so

I'm not pregnant. Yea it kinda fucked up everything. we started fighting all the time.  and then... we exploded. now he is sleepin in the 2nd bedroom..... and im waking up screaming every night. my past has come to slap me in teh face and i feel so empty all the time its unreal....

on the happy note. I started college :D. I'm excited to actually be doing something. I'm thinkin about starting to go to the gym with his sister or his dads gf. Cause i REALLY need to make myself feel good. Maybe then we can have another shot but im not betting on it. Either way ill be okay.

im exhausted. work is kicking my ass. im so exhausted and i wish i wasnt. my chest has been botherin me alot....

i complain too much lol

-sigh- thats it for now i guess.

So

I was watching "I Used To Be Fat" on MTV and it really made me think. I might be pregnant but if im not then I really want to get rid of this lard. I seriously cant stand my body and from what I hear my hygiene isnt exactly imperative either. How that works I dont know. But maybe if I lose 40 pounds or so I'll seem better. I'm constantly tired and cant ever get myself to want to do anything. I love my job at Walmart and my friends but other than that and my boyfriend :/ there isnt anything enjoyable in my life. It drives me nuts. I dont do anything except get on the internet, watch tv, and eat :/ I dont even have sex anymore cause he just doesnt seem to want me. That and we fight so much that sex is wayyyy on the bottom of our list. I constantly have a headache which reminds me too much of my mom :/. Maybe someday I'll actually want to do something else. Be something else. We are moving into our new place over the next week and then we will find out if im pregnant. If im not its probably gonna make everything get all fucked up again. -sigh- I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. he doesnt have a job and im taking care of everything and it drives me nuts. -sigh- but thats all i can write for now. too freakin tired.