um

so some things went down. he threatened to leave, i did something stupid, and we are pretty much broken now.

he has no regard for my feelings and completely bailed on me tonight.

it really fucked me up.
but im dealing

I'm watching that movie fireproof. and its hoenstly amazing.


I just dont really know what to do to keep our relationship afloat.

he doesnt want to try again for a baby. -sigh- its killing me.....


but other than that and that uni is kicking my ass nothing new..\


laters

ugh

so here i am AGAIN with the whole baby thing. Its been driving me nuts but of course im keepingm y mouth shut to him cause i dont want to depress him.

Being how we are soemtimes of course i think its probably not the best thing for us.


but on the other side ic an see him as such a fucking amazing father. i know he would be. And even though im terrified of being like my INSANE mother i know somehow he would make me such a good mom. keep me in check and all that. and vice versa.

i just love him so much and want our life together so much taht it drives me crazy. i wish we didnt have to wait to get married. but he says 2012. it drives me nuts honestly. I seriously just want a HUGE commitment. I NEED IT. why i dont know. I know itll just help me with my trust issues so much...

i really need to stop thinking about the past. I need to move forward and enjoy every fucking minute with him. Cause god help me if i ever lose him. No one in this world knows what it would do to me after all this time. I want to show him that there was a reason for him choosing me. That i AM the BEST choice for him. :D. But i honestly dont know if he will ever believe it. i wish i could do something or say something to make him realize that we are ABSOLUTELY meant to be NO MATTER FUCKING WHAT!. neways... guess thats it for now... gonna go back to workin :/

fuckin tired

workin on college and actually havin friends tends to piss him off.why? i dont know. I dont specifically care.
I'm so sick of feeling guilty or bad for doing something that makes me happy.

i hate it when he texts people right after we fight cause i know he is talking shit about me.
I know cause unfortunately i look at his phone afterwards. im so fuckin sick of it.
I just want to be happy. which is like impossible. i just dont understand what i did to deserve all this shit.
I know i chose this. I know i shouldve left a long time ago and all taht bs. but i love him......ugh.

-sigh-

not pregnant
college kicking my ass
trying to stay on top of my game


trying to figure out wtf my relationship is doing/going.

wondering why it took me 6 years to get back on a damn motercycle <3
love him so much for getting me back on one. not ace either bleck. he doesnt even know i got on one.
it was so fuckin amazing tho.
hell with him if he dont like it.

always havin a blast with my two awesome friends kimi nd lizzy.
miss them like crazy whenever im sad or stuck alone.

listenin to miley cyrus-7 things
an amazing song before she became a real teen lol

laterz