ugh

so here i am AGAIN with the whole baby thing. Its been driving me nuts but of course im keepingm y mouth shut to him cause i dont want to depress him.

Being how we are soemtimes of course i think its probably not the best thing for us.


but on the other side ic an see him as such a fucking amazing father. i know he would be. And even though im terrified of being like my INSANE mother i know somehow he would make me such a good mom. keep me in check and all that. and vice versa.

i just love him so much and want our life together so much taht it drives me crazy. i wish we didnt have to wait to get married. but he says 2012. it drives me nuts honestly. I seriously just want a HUGE commitment. I NEED IT. why i dont know. I know itll just help me with my trust issues so much...

i really need to stop thinking about the past. I need to move forward and enjoy every fucking minute with him. Cause god help me if i ever lose him. No one in this world knows what it would do to me after all this time. I want to show him that there was a reason for him choosing me. That i AM the BEST choice for him. :D. But i honestly dont know if he will ever believe it. i wish i could do something or say something to make him realize that we are ABSOLUTELY meant to be NO MATTER FUCKING WHAT!. neways... guess thats it for now... gonna go back to workin :/