i cant stop

i cant stop being paranoid. I cant stop wanting to disappear. I cant stop being fucking broken
I sent him a text.

"well im glad you can run away i hope you feel better BECAUSE I CANT RUN FROM MYSELF!"

i dont wanna hit him. i dont wanna scream and cry and make him feel like shit. i dont wanna be empty i dont wanna be discusting and fat and lazy and not be able to get up because the pain is just too much.

i dont want to feel the need to cut myself or overdose on pills or drink myself stupid.

i dont want to feel like im ruining everything. i dont want to feel like im going to hurt someone i love. i dont want to be so fucked up in my  head that i cant function correctly. i just want to be normal.


but that is never gonna happen. so i should just continue pushing everyone away until they all leave.

then end